why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
