Girls should come with a carfax report
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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