there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize