dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
