So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
