I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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