Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
