at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We talked him into tasing himself.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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