so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize