i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
