so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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