even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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