bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
