i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize