last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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