I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
