i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
