I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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