I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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