toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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