She went from zero to smokin in five shots
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
