By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
