Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My dick has a subreddit
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
