Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
