we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
