the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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