and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
