i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We need a shit load of segways right now
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
