there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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