I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
