you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
