i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
