Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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