just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
