Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The adults are the big ones right?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
