is your mom at the bar?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
