Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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