im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
