i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
