Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
