I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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