Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
