So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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