Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
