She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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