he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
