I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
