I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize