I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
