he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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