Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
this boner is exhausting
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize