I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You took a bar mat shot.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
