I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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