Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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