She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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