everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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