i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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