I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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