I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
