so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
