fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
