I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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