You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
