i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
vagina is talking i cant
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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