Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
