this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
