I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize