She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
