Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
