You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
