No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize