wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
